Mornings are difficult for me. Difficult to the point that I’m sometimes surprised, when I get to work, that I’ve managed to dress myself in a socially appropriate way.
My stomach, like my brain, tends to take a while to fully wake up, so breakfast can be something of a challenge. Historically, my breakfast has been orange juice, cereal, and blueberries—something I can assemble and eat without a fully alert brain or stomach. The problem is that I’m ravenous again just a couple of hours later, and it’s still a ways until lunchtime.
So recently I’ve decided to experiment with an exciting new food product I’ve been hearing a lot about. It’s cheap, healthy, and full of protein. It’s an animal product, so vegans, this is not for you. And it’s a little gross if you think too much about it, but somehow less gross if you shell out and get it at the farmer’s market from the local organic producer guys, who also happen to be really attractive.
That’s right, I’m talking about eggs. Specifically, taking eggs and making them into McMuffins. (When I was a kid, I called all chicken nuggets “McNuggets.” In hindsight, that’s depressing.) More specifically, making them into a Starbucks-inspired hoity-toity version of McMuffins; even more specifically, making them in bulk and freezing them so that they can be nuked and enjoyed first thing in the morning, even when brain dead. They’re cheaper, healthier, tastier, and—especially with farmer’s market eggs and gooey havarti with dill—much, much classier than the original. And hey, with the freezing-and-nuking, they’re faster, too.
WARNING! STUPID SHAKESPEARE PUN: I goo, I goo; look how I goo, Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's boo.